Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
