my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
