Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The air was thick with penises
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
