Plan B is the new Plan A
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
