Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
