there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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