I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
