There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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