do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
