Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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