She is in my trunk
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize