Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
