people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
