I am puke
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
