if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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