I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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