i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
