You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
