Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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