Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Randomize
