I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
this is an emotional support booty call
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
