Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
