Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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