I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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