I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize