Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize