The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
