The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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