you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize