he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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