He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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