she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
