Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize