So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
