why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
