Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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