drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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