I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
