The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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