JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
