Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
