I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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