You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
