there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well I just put wine in my tea
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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