She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
