I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
