when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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