she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
