She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
