i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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