Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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