and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
