I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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