i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
