In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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