looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
