just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
