Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
