so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
