Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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