Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
