I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
